To His Aid
by comingbacktolife
Summary: Where James needs urgent aid to win Lily's assent and Sirius obliges. Much to Remus's chagrin.


**Author's Note: Just stupid thoughts penned. :-P If you've read the lowly thing, review the lowly thing. ;-)**

_To His Aid_

"Why, why is it that everytime I ask the girl out, I expect a _positive_ response?"

Sirius Black looked up from his plate of chocolate treacle.

"Do I _really_ have to answer that?" he groaned.

"Seeing that I asked you a question and there was an interrogatory punctuation to it...I'm guessing yes." snapped James.

"Fine. Whatever. Okay." Sirius grumbled, pushing his treacle plate away. Remus Lupin looked up from his book, interested in what _Sirius_ had to say, of all people.

"Because James, you are an A-grade idiot... " started Sirius.

"...Now, back to what a man should _actually_ be interested in the first place." finished Sirius, pulling his plate of treacle towards him.

"What is _with_ you and this stupid treacle thing?!" commanded James.

"Try it."

"What? No! Here I am, asking you to help me with this life-tormenting problem and you-- Merlin this is _good_!"

Remus groaned.

"How on earth do you expect Lily to say yes when your attention span towards solving a problem diminishes with every addition of non-consequential things like food?"

"Say what?" Peter gaped.

"You just called food non-consequential." Sirius added, amazed.

"Remus, _you_ are the man I need." groaned James.

"Look James. Lily isn't one of those oh-james-go-out-with-me-because-you're-popular-and-smart-and-rich-and-dashing-and--"

"--Your point BEING, Remus?" a hurt James interrupted.

"What? Yes, um. So she needs to be convinced that you're not a jerk. And that you won't keep hexing people for the fun of it. And you'll stop sneaking out. And you'll do all your homework. And you won't be your arrogant, rubbish self. Oh -

AND you'll stop spending what little is left of your existence in detention."

A deafening silence ensued.

"She's _never_ going out with me, then?!" James exclaimed.

"Changing oneself for the better never crossed the mind, I'm guessing." sighed Remus.

"I was thinking..." said Sirius.

A shocked silence ensued.

"...There should be more sugar in this thing."

James released his breath, relieved. Atleast _Sirius_ was normal.

"I don't understand. Sometimes I deeply, deeply feel she's going to agree! Okay, so at first she puts me down but then the second time around I deeply, deeply feel she's going to agree!"

"Your feelings are deeply, deeply rubbish then." observed Sirius.

"No, like today. She said 'I think..." and I swear a part of me burst into a little-spring-birdy song on how she was going to say yes!"

"What happened then?" asked Remus.

"The birdy died."

"Shutup, Sirius. Well she said ' I think...' and then paused. At this particular point my hopes just _shot_ up!"

"Well?" demanded his fellow friends, growing increasingly impatient.

"And then she said ' I think... I really _do_ hate you, James ' in this really morbid way."

Remus smiled. That was so typical of Lily.

"I'm sorry, James."

"But wait Remus! She walked ahead...then turned her gorgeous self and regarded me for a moment!"

"..."

"...And said she was SURE she hated me, but hey, the regarding part has never happened before!" sweared James.

"She just _looked_ at you, James, so that the punch would be harder." Sirius exclaimed, clearly bored.

"Very good, Sirius!" Remus congratulated. "Spot on, for once!"

"Haha Remus. Now that I am done with that fantastic treacle, I can think straight. Want some advice, Jamesie?"

"..."

"Ofcourse you do. Corner her tomorrow after Potions. Ask her if she'll go out with you this Saturday. If she says 'no', there are three backup stages involved."

Remus flipped open his Daily Prophet though he'd read it in the morning and disappeared behind.

"Stage one : Tell her you'll stalk her anyway. Stage two: Tell her no one else will ask her out because they treasure their genital organs. Stage three: Tell her you'll kill her cat."

"Stage three, definitely." James concluded.

"No No NO!" Remus shrieked, slamming the prophet on Sirius's head.

"Tell her you really, really want to go with her because she makes you _feel_ differently. You want to be a better person when you're with her! That maybe you can't change totally but she makes you want to ask her out anyway! _That's _the impact she has on you. That you just want one chance to prove you're as good as any other damn bloke in this Hall!"

A startled silence ensued.

"Just kill the cat, James."

"But I really feel the things Remus told me to tell her!" James whined.

"So then TELL HER!" roared Remus. "Just don't threaten to kill the godforsaken CAT!"

"I know! Let's role play! Guys, you are Lily. I am James. I am asking you out. Right?"

"I really don't know about that James..." dodged Remus.

"Did you just _roll_ out of your hospital crib and fall on your little head when you were born?" stared Sirius.

"Okay...Remus first. Lily, I feel all those things that Remus said I feel about you. Go out with me?"

Remus bit back a frustrated groan.

"And _how_ is she going to know what I said about her if you don't _tell_ her?! PLUS don't tell her _I_ said them James, it's what _you_ feel about _her_!"

"Ah. Deep. Sirius, now you. Go out with me Lily?...Or I'll kill your cat."

"Oh James! How romantic! Yes yes yes! Take me, choose me, love _me_!"

"I am not part of this conversation anymore." Remus said, feeling sick and pushing his plate away.

* * *

"...So yes, those are _all_ the reasons I really think we should go out, Lily." James finished, looking down at her earnestly.

Lily blinked.

"So...?" prodded James.

"James...?"

"Yes?" James asked, his eyes gleaming with the light of a thousand splendid sunsets.

"...No."

**Author's note: Hope you enjoyed it... review if time permits.  
Just review anyway. :P**


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